Bitches, you’re boring.

And predictable. 

Anyone who knows me knows I love SJP, and how much I despise the constant dumbing down of the TV culture through the mechanism of “reality TV”. The guise of this genre earns the inverted commas because it represents neither reality, nor television IMHO. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Many of us would have read or heard something of this latest bitch sesh. I love it. I love that a celebrity made most famous for playing a shallow, unrealistic, sex crazed character is taking the time to make a statement about women supporting each other. Instead of taking behind their backs digs at others they are jealous of. And generally just highlighting their own insecurities. I love SJP.

The free online dictionary defines bitchy at: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/bitchy, as an adjective pertaining to malicious or spiteful behaviour. Now I personally have never seen female dogs behave like this, and I much prefer the Urban Dictionaries definition, which both into account the mental acuity of the speaker, as well as their probable misinterpretation of the recipient’s intention. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bitchy.

Putting aside my predisposition regarding definition for the purposes of this essay I shall defer to popular belief, which brings me to my point:

What’s all this bitching?

Popular shows enable, and actually mandate, the pervasiveness of this behaviour. This stupid, time wasting behaviour. Further, if bitchiness doesn’t “organically” germinate, it is artificially inseminated into situations to create “exciting viewing”. How woeful that people need to watch this. Don’t you get enough of it in your life?

Are all women bitches?

I have a very dear friend, who I quote and/or reference a lot in my blog, who has long asked why do men stick together and women tear each other apart?

I ask this myself, frequently. In the corporate world, while men may not like each other and may be chasing their bosses job, it’s overt. They’re honest, they say “I want your job, but until I can oust you I will work with you.” Yes, I’m generalising.

With women, its all covert, imperceptible, resistance to your face, but quickly followed by strenuous bouts of bitching behind your back.

And here’s the dirty secret. Everyone does it. Even saints like me.

We’ve done it since high school. Kids now are starting younger though, I’d say kindergarten, and their mothers actively encourage it. It’s seen to be getting ahead if you are on top number one bitch. You don’t even have to be good at anything, hello Kardashian’s. Olah, Big Brother. You just have to want to “win” (whatever that means in your context) at something to the extent of destroying, but first using, people around you, without concern for anything beyond your lip-gloss.

Is it the law of the jungle – look out for number one? Maybe, only this isn’t the jungle. And these girls wouldn’t survive a second in an actual jungle. I don’t know why, but thinking about it makes me laugh.

Guys have centuries of camaraderie etiquette for the intricacies of the corporate world. Women have had a hard slog to their relatively recent inclusion as players within the corporate world, and as such are competing with everyone, men, women, young, old. We just need to calm down. Bitching has never gotten anyone anywhere….for very long. Any success if brings is fleeting. Does the reward outweigh the cost? Because it must be exhausting, and it’s clearly alienating. But be warned bitches those that have been stepped on won’t forget, and they might be your boss in five years. But the biggest thing to remember is that MEN KNOW WOMEN BITCH AND THEY PERPETUATE IT.

What’s it all for? I don’t know, but do you think that our fellow humans in third world circumstance waste their time and energy bitching about their peers when they are carrying a water pail on their head to their sick and/or starving family? (The only commonality there is that some of these first world bitches are probably starving too.)

What’s to bitch about?

The bitching I’ve been recipient of seems to have revolved around my not being a clone of other women my age, the ongoing misconception of my age whilst performing a senior management role, I liked to perpetuate that one– thanks Mum, for the good skin, and a women’s perception that their husband, who was talking to me at a dinner party, was me, hitting on him. Oh, and there have been more than a few instances of me fitting that Urban Dictionary definition. I call a spade a spade. It saves time.

But those are only the times that I know about, the big thing about bitching is that most of the time you don’t know you’ve been bitched about. Well, except for those time when you walk in on a conversation and the silence that ensues gives it away. Even more often you don’t know what the topic of bitching was. So you can do nothing to correct any misapprehension. Or to ward off the frenzy of spite, or the groundless jealousy.

The only thing you can do is ignore it and be professional. Eventually those involved will move on to another equally undeserved recipient. Trust me, I do know that is harder than it sounds.

But why? Isn’t that what we really want to know? Why bitch?

Now I don’t want to make attempts to define the root cause of this condition, for it is a condition. It is a mainly because I don’t want to be blamed for an swag of cancelled counselling appointments, I jest, but, I think its about attention. It’s a deficit that, ironically, won’t be filled by this sad one-upwomanship. Sure, I get that, but what’s the end point?

If I reflect honestly on times when I have chosen to criticise others, it has been borne of jealousy. This holds true unless I was bitching about a bitch who bitched about me first, of course.

But on a serious note, I’ve seen people be sacked for bitching (on email – extra silly) in the workplace, and on the other side, I’ve seen people be borderline debilitated by bitching that has headed towards bullying.

I agree with SJP. It is far better to support each other.

What does a true bitch want?

Say she’s got the job, the car, the man, the house, the babies, it wont be enough. She still has to walk through a mall, or a party, or gathering with her posse and deride total strangers to get a rush. Is she so insecure that she thinks she can lose all her ‘possessions’ (the job, the car, the family), and topple from her perch?

Yes.

Always remember this, as critical as she is of you. You can’t imagine how critical she is of her self. Not to feel sorry for her. But it’s something to laugh about. Or would that be bitchy? It’s so boring I don’t want to waste any more time thinking about it

My advice:

Be strong. I believe in you. And protect and support others that you see it happening to. Don’t look for rebuttals to silly taunts. Just hair flip and go. It will be so frustrating to a bitch. As for me, I’m deleting my internal bitching app and will work on being supportive just like SJP says.

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